Dear Anonymous (Coming Out)

Dear Anonymous,
I AM BISEXUAL. And that is my problem. I don't know how to handle it. I get so nervous about it, I just repress it in the back of my mind. Forget it. I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. But then again , what if I'm wrong? What if I say this is what I want and then I'm wrong? I couldn't even stand to know I broke someone's heart over my insecurity. My plague, if you will. I'm going a bit mad, just writing this letter to you. Bringing this problem front and center in the stage of my mind. I'm happy, letting someone in, but upset because has been so private for so long, I've grown to love the closet I left it in.
There is a yearning though. A yearning to explore, to see what it will be like. What it will be like to hold another girl like that. To hold her hand as we walk down the street, and kiss her cheek gently to say good night. What would it be like? I've only had the little experience I've had with guys, that was short lived. I had anxiety. I wasn't happy. So I distanced myself and locked everything away. I feel horrible for the hearts I shattered because I can't deal with myself. I hate myself.
Today is October 11th, as you would probably concluded. National Coming Out Day. To unleash the shackles and break off the hinges of closet doors. As I sit in my little dark corner of my mind, I consider making the jump, taking a leap, and hoping that it will lift me off the ground. I want to make it known. I want someone to say  "There is nothing wrong with that. Let's get some coffee, and talk about it." I just want someone to say its okay. I don't want anxiety or confusion. I don't want to feel worthless and disgusted with myself. I want to love, and there should be nothing to hold me back.

Charmed,
Ellen R.